This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
