I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
