the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
