It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
