things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
