Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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