I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
