Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
