it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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