The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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