ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
