After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
