I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The power of my boobs compel you
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