im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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