she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
