what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
