You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There's always time for handjobs
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
