So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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