saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
