I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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