Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
