Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
