Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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