everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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