What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My boob is missing a layer of skin
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
