It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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