Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
