She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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