So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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