Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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