i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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