you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
