I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
