the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
