just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
