You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
