No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
