the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We left an ass print on the piano.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
