in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize