You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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