a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
