i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Randomize
