Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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