I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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