we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
