dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
