That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Of course I have a pirate flag
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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