Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
