Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
