Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
