One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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