All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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