Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
