Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
