the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
