Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
