Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
