Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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