new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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