oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Randomize
