i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The feeling are messing with the penis
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
