Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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