The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
