My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
