why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
