We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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